shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
