I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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