i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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