You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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