He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
