Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
