She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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