Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize