hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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