Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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