she looked like the before picture.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
