I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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