Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
