it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
