Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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