Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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