that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
