we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
