I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
