I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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