Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
