I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
