My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
