Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I puked a lego.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
