i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
