I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
