fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize