i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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