no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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