were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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