I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize