I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
