God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
