I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
