if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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