he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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