I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
cat food counts as protein by the way
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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