I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize