I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
