i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
