can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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