rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
