I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
