why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
