i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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