my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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