I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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