i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
