Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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