I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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