I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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