I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
