She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
