dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize