too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
