I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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