Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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