Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
