In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
