I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
