I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
