Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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