It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
