Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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