giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i think my cat just said my name.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
