i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
