i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
